Back when Covid was a thing, I tested positive and needed to take to my bed. To make quarantine bearable, my boys brought up an old TV from the basement so I could languish alone in my room.
My sons could hardly contain their joy as they bolted out of my room, knowing I’d be out of their hair for a week. I splayed out on my bed, dirty hair, sleeping and sweating while HGTV played in the background.
After binging every property show ever (I pretty much knew the going rate for every beachfront property in the entire world), I turned to ‘feel-good programming.’ I wanted something heavier than Hallmark, but I didn’t have the bandwidth to carry much of an emotional or mental load.
I scrolled and clicked until I found what I assumed would be a sleepy documentary about people’s clothing choices. I was hoping it would be a documentary about why we have favorite articles of clothing, and with any luck, it might even feature a trendy psychologist who could diagnose this affliction I suffer from where I wear the same four outfits over and over until they are frayed and stained and I should be too ashamed to wear them anymore, but I still wear them anyway, like I have no home.
I once had a dry cleaner beg me to stop wearing a favorite dress, pleading, ‘Please, Mrs. Pierce, please. Buy new dress! This has too many holes! Buy new dress!’ But I kept wearing the said dress, only I took it to a different dry cleaner.
Anyway, back to the documentary I was watching. I was mistaken about the content.
Imagine my shock when the show featured a retired Wisconsin dairy farmer-turned-nudist. The farmer and his wife were interviewed, sitting comfortably on their living room couch. There was nothing but a tight tuck and mug of coffee between the viewer and the dairy farmer’s ummm…private cheese stick.
Turns out, the naked dairy farmer and his naked wife are just like you and me, except he used to be a Carhart coat/wellie-wearing dairy farmer in subzero Wisconsin, and now they live in hot and sticky Florida. And they are nudists. And they play naked tennis with naked nudist colony neighbors.
They putter in their woodworking shed using clamps, bandsaws, table saws, lathes, jointers, drill presses, sanders, mortises, and grinders, wearing nothing but well-worn Crocs. They naked wave to their naked neighbors as they drive by or bend over naked to retrieve their newspapers from the driveway.
Years later, these images continue to cling to the inside of my brain like corn in teeth.
I’ve become almost obsessed with the sanitary conditions of this couple’s soft furnishings. Also, the overall scent of their home. I don’t need to remind you how swampy hot it gets in Florida, do I? That couch!? I don’t see how that couch can’t be caked with debris and smelly bits and bobs from their undersides. Febreeze will not help. Underpants might.
Anyway, all this got me thinking: if the weathered dairy farmer and his bride can ditch their clothes, line dance naked in their community rec room, naked weed their garden, why don’t I?
Well, as it turns out, I don’t want to. The list of reasons why I don’t want to walk my dog and pick up his poop naked, is far too long for me to include here, but suffice it to say, I don’t want to be a nudist.
There was a viral video a decade or so ago with a woman raging about neighbors she did not like. They were different from her. She didn’t trust them. She was afraid of them. They didn’t vote like her. She spit in anger, ‘What I don’t understand makes me angry!’
The video became viral because it was absurd. And also kinda relatable. Most of us have been driven to madness by people we do not understand.
We are bombarded with hatred these days.
If we don’t like or understand someone’s politics, humor, religion, accent, word choices, or skin color, it seems we’re allowed to rage against them simply because we can not tolerate being uncomfortable.
We are no longer willing to listen to words or ideas that rub us the wrong way or ideas we believe to be wrong. We have lost our ability to listen, learn, and be curious about others.
And somehow, we have decided that comfort is a right we are entitled to. But, comfort is not a right. We are not entitled to it.
Feeling discomfort does not grant us permission to rage and hate and become violent.
The internet is crammed with videos of enraged people who are explosive toward fast-food employees, airline staff, and anyone who, sadly, finds themselves in the wrong place at the wrong time.
We are all quirky AF, plain and simple. Even if we brush our hair, have reasonable table manners, and can pass for normal, we are quirky.
Deep down, you are a weirdo, and I am a weirdo. I might think you’re crazy for alphabetizing your pantry. You might think I’m crazy for ironing my sheets. You might vote for someone I think is an absolute lunatic. I might make you blind with rage because I parent differently or dress differently or value something you think is bonkers.
No one can be universally liked or understood. And no one needs to be.
Our country needs differences, checks, and balances. The last thing we need is an echo chamber. Lively debate and differences of opinion are exactly what our founding fathers hoped would happen. It is why there is so much in our constitution and Bill of Rights that is vague. We need to show up and debate constantly.
Our differences make us better.
I know for sure if everyone were like me, the world would fall into disrepair. Probably overnight. Straight lines would cease to exist. Details wouldn’t matter. Anything that had anything to do with math would be ignored. We’d only eat peanut butter and hummus. I would make it law that everyone must possess some level of basic emotional intelligence because I’m just so damned tired of people behaving like bulldozers. Everyone would become faint at the sight of blood. It would be a disaster.
We need people who like Excel spreadsheets. We need people who understand how to load those trucks that carry all those cars. We need scientists. We need people with patience. We need people who can perform surgeries. We need people who don’t mind dicking around in the sand and sun looking for fossils. We need high-level extroverts who actually want to get out of bed each morning, put on a vest, and cheerfully greet strangers in Walmart. We need people who don’t vote like me.
We are so divided these days.
Our inability to accept our differences has gotten so bad that we must run to the computer to research our own preferences, ensuring our opinions align with our political party’s stance. Da fuq?! We are aligning ourselves with sides of the aisle that no longer represent what most of us think, believe, or desire. But we dig our heels in any way.
It is good to remember that our differences make this country special.
Too many like-minded people in a room become stale. We need fresh takes. We need to challenge ourselves so our brains keep active. We need to see people as humans, not as ‘them’ or ‘those people.’ We need to be civil. We need to bring back curiosity.
Before we become harsh or rage because there are people, things, hobbies, or humor we do not understand, let’s take a moment to remember what happens when we accept the discomfort of differences.
- Differences Increase Creativity and Innovation: Diverse perspectives and ways of thinking fuel creativity and innovation. When people approach problems or situations differently, it leads to creative problem-solving and a wider range of ideas.
- Differences Help Us Grow: Interacting with individuals with different backgrounds and viewpoints challenges us to think critically, broaden our understanding, and learn from one another. Knowledge makes us less fearful.
- Differences Enhance Resilience: Communities with diverse ways of thinking and acting are more resilient to challenges and changes. Different perspectives and different experiences help us adapt our responses to various situations.
- Differences Enhance Our Cultural Enrichment: Imagine a world without other cultures’ foods and traditions. We take for granted some of the art, cuisine, and celebrations we love that have come from other cultures.
- Differences Create Better Empathy and Understanding: It is hard to hate up close. Exposure to diverse perspectives fosters empathy and understanding. The more we know, the less fearful we become.
- Differences Are A Cross-Culture Truth: In an interconnected world, we face differences in language, culture, religion, skin color, and humor. Understanding and appreciating differences across cultures promotes tolerance and could very well keep us out of war.
- Differences Help Prevent Groupthink: Having diverse perspectives within a group helps prevent groupthink, where individuals conform to the group’s consensus rather than critically evaluate ideas. Groupthink is easy. It is encouraged in our media and on social media. Forming our own opinions is much more challenging and takes time. It might also mean we have to stand alone, not in the camp of people we historically align with.
- Differences Help Cognitive Flexibility: Why not challenge and expand pathways in your brain? Exposure to diverse perspectives enhances cognitive flexibility, which is good for aging, adaptation, and resilience.
We have differences that will not be resolved today or tomorrow. Not all differences will be resolved.
But, without a doubt, we are better off as a society when we ‘hell yes!’ our differences, when there is a back-and-forth tug, when we debate with civility, when we resist violence. When we realize we are not meant always to be comfortable. When we can listen to other points of views, when we educate ourselves. When we broaden instead of narrow ourselves.
Civility strengthens us.
Even the people who drive us up a wall, who don’t vote like us, who are curmudgeonly or controlling, and who are intolerable add value to our society. We need them if only to clarify our preferences and then do something to help build a more perfect union.