Why I’m Unhirable (And Proud of It)
If you know me, you know that I, with some regularity, lament that I was born with a skill set that isn’t worth much on the open market. I can’t sing or dance. I can’t add or subtract. My brain processes details like a child scribbling. The physician and lawyer genes in my family skipped waaay over me. My soul hovers outside my body when it catches a whiff of anything that resembles a spreadsheet. I’m indoorsy; hard labor isn’t my thing.
In the nicest way possible, my husband gently reminds me that corporate America would savagely attack me. He thinks the two greatest obstacles to my corporate success are: 1. HR probably wouldn’t allow me to remove all those unflattering, blueish, harsh, flickering overhead lights and replace them with soft ambient lighting, which everyone knows creates a more warm and inviting environment. And 2. Sitting in a circle, holding hands, and passing a Listening Stick so every employee could hone their communication skills in a safe environment would take too much time.
Soft Skills: The Hidden Superpower of Emotional Intelligence
On the flip side, my soft skills are out of this world. I’m like the king of the soft skills. My EQ, my ability to understand, use, and manage emotions, communicate effectively, empathize with others, and defuse conflict is off the charts. I’m spidery with my sense of people: their pain, strengths, and what holds them back. I feel stuff, and I have this witchy sense of being able to see what is coming down the line for someone. Without a doubt, I’d have been burned at the stake back in the day. Also, it is safe to say the Puritans would not have appreciated my sense of humor.
I’m pretty much unhirable, so it’s no wonder I work for myself.
Living Beautifully in a World Full of Division
But let me tell you this. I rock helping others learn to manage their anxiety, fear, careers, families, and relationships. I don’t spend much time on social media discussing how my clients change their lives one small decision at a time, but I’ve seen mountains moved. I’ve seen my clients tweak thoughts and actions and, by design, overhaul their lives without overwhelm, without imploding. Seriously. One small decision at a time!
I freaking love what I do.
If you’ve been watching this year, I’ve been leaning toward a more whole-person approach to social media: I want to share more of my personal life (yikes ~ it feels scary, I can’t lie!). I’d like to share more concepts I cover with my clients. I am s-l-o-w-l-y rolling out The Art Of Intentional Evolution, a site where like-minded souls can learn to intentionally embrace life at every age and every stage.
The Art of Intentional Evolution: Embracing Life at Every Stage
But something has been weighing on me.
It feels irresponsible to bang on about meaningful choices and beautiful lifestyles and not acknowledge how terrifying it is right now for so many people in our country. Too many people, no matter who they voted for, are afraid for themselves, their families, and their livelihoods. It feels tone-deaf and privileged to talk about intentional lifestyles when there’s a crushing wave of fear and division sweeping across our nation.
How Connection and Belonging Impact Our Mental Health and Democracy
I’ve been thinking about Robert Putnam’s book Bowling Alone a lot lately. I recently watched a documentary about him and his work called Join Or Die (highly recommend). Putnam talks about the importance of social capital, the idea that our bonds, our connections, and the ties that bind us to one another are critical to our mental health and democracy. When these ties weaken, so do we, individually and as a society. This isn’t just some abstract theory. Study after study proves that when we feel a sense of belonging and connected to one another, we thrive, and so does our nation.
Yes, you read that right; the strength of our democracy depends on how connected we feel. Belonging matters. I belong to a church, a book club, a creative collective, committees, and a civic club. I’ve held two elected positions. I’m on the board of a non-profit. I have different text threads and meet with friends and family in person as often as I can.
Connection has always made me feel less fearful. So, I connect. A lot. With all sorts of different people. Maybe people vote like me. Maybe they don’t. Often I don’t know.
Choosing Curiosity Over Conflict: A Better Way to Solve Problems
There is real pressure today to choose a side, then slash and burn everything that encroaches on a boundary. This is certainly true if you have a business on social media or you have more than one follower.
I have been called a sell-out because I don’t rage on my social media page. I’m told I’m wasting my voice.
My zone of genius is being curious about human nature. My area is expertise is the human condition. I love people’s minds and motivations. I love how messy it is being human. I am deeply curious about how and why people do what they do. What I know is that black-and-white, all-or-nothing, fist-pounding, damning certainty rarely contributes to effective problem-solving.
A Soft Place to Land: The Power of Calming the Nervous System
I have never seen viciousness unite. I have never seen violence soften hearts. I have never read vile comments on social media that moved a needle. That isn’t how nervous systems work.
This is all to say that I am keenly aware of the division, the anger, and the fear surging through the veins of this country. Yes, I am aware that talking about living beautifully is not going to fix what ails us. But I refuse to add to the anger.
At the risk of pissing people off and losing friends, I unapologetically choose to use my gifts to give people a soft place to land. I can’t change much, but I help people regulate their nervous systems. I can help people feel a titch more in control. I can also recommend the best damn stain remover on the planet so you don’t feel bad about ruining the white top you bought in a weak moment.
Will evolving intentionally and living beautifully change the world? Maybe not. But, seriously. What if it did?
I hope you engage with my posts and feel like you belong because you do; nothing makes me happier than putting my embarrassingly soft skills to work.
If you’re ready to roll up your sleeves and make some real changes in your life (no capes required), take a look at this post on how to take a personal inventory and change your life for the better — it’s packed with simple steps to help you start making those changes, one decision at a time!