What your mom never told you.

Bright-eyed grads, just like you, are flooding into the world. With a mixture of fear and joy, they are showing up for the next phase of life.

Ready or not, here life comes.

I wish someone had told me this advice when I was graduating. It sure would have saved a lot of time and a lot of heartache.

Here are five pieces of real-life advice I wish I’d heard when I was your age. Hopefully, they serve you well in the next chapter of your big, beautiful lives.

1. Keep in touch with your friends.

Wow. You’re going to need them. People drift after graduation.

Friends go to school, get jobs, leave the country, get married, have kids. The luxury of spending hours and days together evaporates when they hand you a diploma.

Despite the distance, never underestimate the power of friendships over the years. You don’t have to check in every day or even every month, maybe not every year, but life will hit you one day and you will need people who get you. You will want to have friends who can love you through relationships, births, grief, loss, disease, and middle age.

One day, you will want a tribe of people who don’t care what car you drive or how big your house is. You might feel alone. These old friends won’t care what you have or don’t have. They will want to remind you that you belong.

One day, something will happen, and you’ll feel like your heart has been ripped from your chest. These old friends will patch and prop you up. They’ll lead you through it.

One day, you’ll be cocky, acting like you’ve got the world on a string. These old friends will call you on your BS. At first, you’ll be embarrassed. Then, you’ll be grateful.

2. Don’t waste your time comparing yourself to anyone else.

Comparing yourself to others is a surefire way to self-doubt and depression. Or worse, perfectionism.

Stop comparing yourself to others, please. Life has a million moving parts. No one’s life is perfect.

The first one married, the best dressed, or the one who makes a million dollars doesn’t mean much in the game of life. Having the nicest house or the most exotic vacation doesn’t make anyone happy. Nothing is forever, and there are no guarantees in life. A big life does not mean it is a happy life.

Love your life. Strive to be a better person each day. Love people. Share yourself. Be vulnerable. Make a couple of really juicy mistakes.

Don’t think for one moment the person with the best stuff is happiest. They aren’t. Don’t think the person who looks happy on social media is happy in real life.

Conversely, don’t feel sorry for the poor artist, adventurer, or single parent who is eating ramen and following her dreams.

Keep your eyes on your own goals. Dream big.

3. Forget all the garbage your parents told you.

Parents mean well, but they are human.

You are old enough to start questioning your belief systems. Did you have a mother who told you never to trust men? How about you re-think that idea and instead focus on all the trustworthy men out there.

Did your dad tell you rich people cannot be trusted? Making and keeping money will be very hard if you don’t question that limiting belief.

Does your family pride itself in being suspicious of anyone different from you? Were you raised with a religion that encourages hate? Is there an unwritten rule that you need to stay small and not get too big for your britches?

Question it all. The sooner you throw out the outdated stuff your parents told you to try to ‘keep you safe’, the better.

Have the courage to think for yourself. You’ve outgrown a lot of beliefs that were instilled in you. They no longer fit. They no longer serve you. Create new, truer and updated beliefs that fit you and the world you want to live in.

4. Save yourself (and everyone around you) a lot of wasted time by learning to accept yourself, even the shameful parts.

I know, I know. You’ve done some pretty wretched things.

You’ve thought some things, said some things, done some things. You didn’t speak up when you should have. You are convinced parts of you are unlovable. Here’s the thing: you’re not perfect. People still love you anyway.

The sooner you can accept yourself, even the parts of you you are ashamed of, the sooner you can be truly happy.

Perfectionists, pleasers, workaholics, braggarts, over-achievers, and needy people are forever self-sabotaging their happiness. They push people away trying to overcompensate for their imperfections. Let yourself off the hook. Please. 

As you prepare for life beyond graduation, remember that it’s not just about chasing trends or appearances—it’s about making choices that align with who you are. If you’re heading to college and getting caught up in dorm room trends, check out this insightful post on the emotional toll of oversplurging: Beyond Aesthetics: The Emotional Toll of Oversplurging on Dorm Room Trends. It might save you some unnecessary stress and money!