Young, old, rich, poor, men, women, American or abroad: You’d be shocked to know that as different as we all are, we are very similar. We want to get out of our own way and be happier.

Being human is a trait we all have to muddle through no matter what our age or stage or the size of our pocketbooks. 

No one escapes the trials and tribulations of being human. 

Some of us seem to pull off being human more gracefully. Others of us seem to fight our humanness at every turn, making life more difficult for ourselves (and others, much to their frustration). We seem to have boundless energy when it chasing happiness. 

We love chasing possessions and love. We look for quick fixes. We avoid, and we numb. Few of us actually spend the time considering these surprising happiness blocks. 

These are the 7 most surprising tips to get out of our own way and be happier:

1. Be Lazy. Laziness gets a bad rap. Most of us would be much happier if we stepped off the hamster wheel. The hamster wheel is usually fueled by fear or pleasing or both. Bleh. Stop trying to do it all. For instance, I’m alarmingly good at forgiving. I’m not more evolved than others. I’m just lazy. I can’t bear the idea of dragging around all that anger, so I dump it the first chance I can. It is easier. I love entertaining but not cooking and baking. I cheat my way around ‘homecooked’ meals. Why choose frustration when I can thrive in my zone of genius and be happy? 
2. Don’t listen to everything in your head. Most of the voices in our heads are bullies. Find better voices to listen to. Imagine you arrive at a party only to find the room is wall to wall with assholes. You’d panic, right? Take a moment to look around, however; and you can always find a corner where a few fun, positive people have congregated. Sure, you may have to fake a smile and push past a lot of assholes to get to the cool kids, but you are strong enough. Choose to fight your way past the ominous voices in your head. Look for, claw your way toward, and listen to the encouraging, funny, and supportive voices. They are there and they want you to be happy.
3. Figure out what you want. We all spend too much time discussing (or obsessing about) what we don’t want. While knowing what we don’t want can be a helpful bumper in life’s game of bowling, focusing on what we do want gives us a roadmap. When we know what we want, we can face forward and take small, consistent steps toward our goal or our dream. If I know what I want, I won’t mind a little discomfort along the way. Stop scurrying around like a caged rat. Over and over, choose in favor of what you want. You’ll find your goals ‘magically’ appear. Like a glittery unicorn. Happiness is not as elusive as you might think.
4. Stop comparing yourself to others. Seriously. For the love of all that is good and holy, stop comparing yourself to people. We are all messed up. Every. Single. One. Of. Us. Who are you trying to impress? Strangers online? Come on, already. No one knows what it is like to be you. Stop worrying about being a perfect parent (there is no perfection for parents) or trying to appear wealthy. Stop abusing your body (and mind) in the hopes that your thighs will gape. Stop thinking your house has to look like page 95 of a catalog. Ugh. Comparison is sucking the joy from your bones. Lack of joy gives you wrinkles and makes your heart hurt. Happy helps our health.
5. Realize how damn courageous you are. Read that again. You. Yes, you. You are so damn courageous. Think of all the tough times, the trauma, the bad days, the times you dragged yourself to work or to school when you didn’t want to. Think about living through a global pandemic, grief, fear, and discomfort. You are brave right down to your core. Accept it. Honor it. Celebrate it. You are stronger than you give yourself credit. You are not too weak to make moves, set boundaries, or go after a dream. You’ve survived every day. That takes courage. Shedloads of it. Flexing that courage muscle helps you feel happier.
6. Sometimes we have to do things even though we are afraid. Sometimes we have to speak up when our voice shakes. Sometimes we have to start when we have no idea where to begin. Sometimes we have to commit before we are ready. Fear does not mean ‘stop.’ Fear doesn’t always mean ‘unsafe.’ Sometimes the best reason to do something is because we are afraid. Would anyone fall in love or change jobs or move to a different city or even have kids if we let fear stop us? On the other side of fear, happiness hides. 
7. Accept that the most precious things in life are extremely fragile. Why do we love fresh flowers? Because a large part of their beauty lies in the fact that they fade. Blooms fade. Kids grow up and move out. Parents age. Friends relocate. Relationships end. The most precious things in life are not guaranteed. Cultivate and nurture life. In the end, it won’t be the stuff, houses, cars, Instagram-worthy vacations, or even higher education that will matter. In the end, all things fade. We fade. Beauty and grief are close cousins. Understanding life’s fragile beauty helps keep us in the moment. It helps us drink every last drop of life with gratitude and appreciation. Being present in our lives encourages happiness.

In our constant quest to chase happiness, we often get in our own way, forgetting that our choices help determine our joy, not how much stuff we accumulate or how many likes we get on social media.

Choosing your thoughts and your actions carefully and deliberately is how we get closer and closer to finding happiness in life.